PAIN RANT

Things have sort of calmed down for the meantime in regards to appointments and tests, but I’m currently in an overwhelmed state of mind.

I’m planning (and hoping) to have a procedure done called a Superior Hypogastric Plexus Block, where a needle will be inserted into my back to “reset” one of my nerves to see if it will reduce or even completely get rid of my chronic pain from Adenomyosis (don’t quote me on that… I do my best.) I’m not sure when I can have it done, or the logistics of it all yet, but it’s possibly the next step in my journey. Possibly. Continue reading “PAIN RANT”

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SWEPT AWAY

My dreams are swept under the rug as I wrestle with reality.

Motivation, passion, drive, all that once was-

feels so long ago now; so foreign.

My hopes are swept away like dirt with a broom.

Gathered up, particles swimming through the air as I cough and choke,

brushing them outside once and for all.

-tmtf

Photo from Pixabay.com, by okimini

YOU CAN’T BANDAGE MY PAIN

The room cold and sterile, you tell me the options I have for treatment.

One thing I’m scared of, and another, terrified. Continue reading “YOU CAN’T BANDAGE MY PAIN”

LET IT FUEL YOU FORWARD, NOT BRING YOU DOWN

(As a note, I tried for ages to think of the right word for the title that I had in mind earlier… I thought it began with F like ‘Fuel’ and ‘Forward’, so I gave up and replaced it with ‘It’! Tired mind, indeed.)

Sympathy goes a long way. Understanding, even further.

I’ve encountered lack of understanding quite often throughout my times of struggle. I get it, most people can’t relate to being unable to live normally, unable to work. I completely get that.

That being said, sometimes (okay, all the time) it really brings me down and leaves me in a bad mood, and negativity isn’t productive, so it’s simply just a bad cycle (and definitely doesn’t help my motivation.)

When you’re feeling discouraged or unsupported, try to let your own passion fuel your drive to move forward in bettering and progressing your craft. Continue reading “LET IT FUEL YOU FORWARD, NOT BRING YOU DOWN”

OCD ISN’T A REAL CONDITION?

I can’t count how many times I’ve broken down from dealing with OCD, depression, and anxiety. How many tears I’ve shed; how many days I’ve felt like a waste of space, too tired to do anything productive; too scared of the future; too depressed to want to live anymore.

Sorry, this concept really grinds my gears. This may just be my snarkiest post yet… Continue reading “OCD ISN’T A REAL CONDITION?”

CANCELING DOCTORS APPOINTMENTS LAST MINUTE, WHILE STILL IN PAIN?

Hi, again.

I’m mad at myself for not getting a post on here yesterday, and did I miss the day before that too? I don’t even know.

I was supposed to have an appointment tomorrow, but I canceled it because the pain I made the appointment for (I assumed it was an ovarian cyst) has gotten better – it’s still there, but not nearly as bad as it has been for the past month. I feel thankful for that.

Now, there are plenty of other reasons I could have gone for (Adenomyosis is flaring up very badly currently…), and I’m not too convinced that the original problem is resolved, but, I just didn’t feel like dealing with what a doctors appointment entails. Not tomorrow. Not soon.

I hate these feelings I get around appointments. Heightened anxiety creeping in my mind as the days count down to the day. As the actual day rolls around, and the clock counts down, ever so quickly might I add, I feel nauseated, I can’t eat, and I experience severe stomach pain. Continue reading “CANCELING DOCTORS APPOINTMENTS LAST MINUTE, WHILE STILL IN PAIN?”