TRYING TO STAY AFLOAT

Another day, another medical procedure. Having a chronic illness (or multiple…) is really a full-time job. When I’m not at a doctor’s appointment, I’m either thinking about calling to schedule a new appointment, having a procedure done, calling my insurance company to get them to approve something I desperately need for pain relief, or worrying about any of the above.

As I was laying stomach-down on the procedure table recently, waiting for the long needle to go towards my back, a lot was running through my mind. 

I started to feel emotional and very depressed about my health. I even stopped so low as to pity myself… I mean, that’s sort of hard not to do when a giant needle is about to be stabbed into my nerve, right? I’m so exhausted of dealing with trial-and-errors to correct my pain. I honestly feel like this whole ordeal is just ridiculous and not a way to live. It’s not fun, it’s always pain, poking, prodding, fighting with insurance, pain, anxiety, depression, and more pain. I’m just done.

For curiosity sake, I was trying to tally up how many tests/procedures I’ve undergone in the past couple of years to get a diagnosis and then pain treatments I’ve tried. This list is just for my endometriosis, adenomyosis and PCOS diagnoses – I’m no stranger to the medical world, but it used to mainly be for my mental health issues. There are some other medical things sprinkled into this list, too, plainly because they sucked.

  • 2 MRI’s
  • 5 ultrasounds
  • 3 x-rays
  • 1 surgery
  • 1 colonoscopy
  • 2 bowel preps
  • 1 nerve block
  • At least 5 blood work orders
  • Around 15 chiropractic adjustments
  • 4 or 5 awkward pelvic exams, and countless other exams of my body
  • A million urine tests
  • 2 ER visits
  • I can’t even count the medications…
  • One serious panic attack. Mini ones are more common for me, surprisingly.
  • I’m probably missing a bunch of stuff.

I know that others have it a lot worse than me, and I’m trying to appreciate what I do have instead of focusing on the negative stuff. Difficult doesn’t begin to describe that feat, though. Everything is about my pain and what I can do to get rid of it.

I was going to make this post about the procedure I just had, but then it kind of went off the rails as a rant… I might write about it another day when I don’t feel so sick and groggy. 

Hope you had a good day. 🙂

~tired mind typing fingers

Photo via Pixabay

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Author: tiredmindtypingfingers

Writing about writing and chronic illness, and trying to make something out of it.

4 thoughts on “TRYING TO STAY AFLOAT”

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