So we all know that depression and productivity don’t exactly go hand in hand. I laugh a little inside because I know how little I’ve been able to accomplish while battling crippling depression for the past decade. (It’s not funny, but sometimes I can laugh at how pathetic I feel I am. Sometimes.)
This past week, I was the most productive I’ve been in a long time… I literally had something planned every day of the week, which is huge for me, someone unable to work. I had a couple pressing errands to complete that I finally managed to do, a doctor appointment (hence my last blog post and poem titled “YOU CAN’T BANDAGE MY PAIN”) and I have to say, it feels AMAZING.
(Besides the hopelessness after leaving my doctor. Maybe I’ll talk more about that later…)
I tend to get out of the house later in the day, when the sun is already sinking, so I think being out in the sun definitely improved my mood. That, plus getting stuff done and not tormenting myself with personal insults about being a lazy bones (not really lazy. But it’s hard not to beat myself up.)
Plus, feeling more “normal” by being out in the world, and avoiding cabin fever. I don’t really have cabin fever due to being such a depressed person (and former agoraphobic), but sometimes I really do get tired of being in the same place all day. It’s nice to not be enclosed in the same four walls, do you know what I mean?
Anyway, this week was a busy one in terms of my way of life, it felt great, and honestly it makes me want to get out every day (but I don’t have enough things to do to get out every day, besides just getting outside, I suppose. And I most likely don’t have the right mindset to copy this week just yet.)
I’m just so scared of falling back into that familiar trap of depression.
“That’s the thing about depression: A human being can survive almost anything, as long as she sees the end in sight. But depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it’s impossible to ever see the end.”
― Elizabeth Wurtzel,
Photo from Pixabay.com, by Unsplash