So I’m not quite sure where to begin this post, so I’ll delve right on into it, writing with a cheap beer in one hand and a saddened heart that longs to write.

We’re broke. Very much so. Our living space is about 12 x 12 feet (the help of staying with family). We don’t have the available funds to upgrade a bed, let alone the space to put one!

In newlywed-ism (is that even a word?), you have this idea in your head that it’s perfect and glamorous; living in your apartment or house, driving a nice car, working on fancy careers, leading your own life, the start to a new happy chapter. The “superficial” life stuff that automatically goes along with love and adulthood. Just climbing on up the ladder of success.

We could only wish.

Our sleep is terrible. We can’t stretch out; there’s no room to. The mattress is fairly old and lumpy. My husband and I both have back and neck issues, so this situation just complicates those pains.

I haven’t had restful sleep for about four or five years, and I really think that sleep plays a part in your mood, which might explain why I deal with feeling ‘grumpy’ and under the weather – probably in part why I’m so depressed, and generally just… dull. I’m lethargic all the time.

There’s hardly any room to add anything else to our space, it’s pretty ridiculous. Cramped, cluttered, terrible sleep and stiff backs and necks. No money. No definite opportunities on the horizon. Depression is only natural, right?

We are so thankful to have a roof over our heads with the basic essentials, yet that roof is crumbling, finances stretched like a rubber band. I’m so appreciative, really, but also so fed up. Our current position isn’t good at all, and we don’t want to burden our family anymore, but what is there to do?

To hope, I guess.

I don’t really know the reasoning behind this post. Perhaps to provide a speckle of insight… I definitely don’t want pity, though maybe some understanding? Maybe just some encouragement that things will get better? 

“There is strength for every situation.”
Lailah Gifty Akita

TMTF (tired mind typing fingers)

Photo from, by Pexels.


Author: tiredmindtypingfingers

Writing about writing and chronic illness, and trying to make something out of it.

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