I wanted to preface this post by saying that it’s coming from a more raw and negative place than I typically expect to write from. I want my blog to be polished and enjoyable to read, but I also want it to be real. When I feel more positive, I’ll write more positively. But this is me in this moment. 🙂

For me, the change of seasons doesn’t mark that much significance. Maybe it’s because little things don’t bring as much joy anymore, or because I don’t go outside often or long enough to appreciate all the little changes that happen in the weather and in the world.

I mean, I appreciate how the sun stays shining longer… partly due to the fact that I get around later, so maybe that’s just a selfish reason.

I would say I’m excited for the melting of the snow, but I don’t have to deal with snow anymore. Sometimes I miss it, most times I’m happy not to freeze. I guess it depends on your preference for hot or cold, or somewhere in the middle. I like warm. Comfortable.

In a metaphorical sense, I think that the changing of seasons is an aspect that is really lacking in the depression territory (I’m talking about Chronic Depression/Major Depressive Disorder, the kind that lingers and ruins your life.) Things are dull and the same as the day before – I’m lucky if I feel simply “good” for a day.

There are mostly lows instead of highs, so there’s not much of a change at all, let alone a change in season. Usually when I’m in a period of worsened depression, I can recognize it and I’ll sometimes think back to the recent times, imagining I felt better than I probably did, and wishing to go back there.

There are waves and bumps in depression, sinking lower or moving upward, but unless you finally come to the surface and stay there, there isn’t much of a “change in season”.

I want to feel better, I just feel like there’s a fog surrounding me and my thoughts and weighing me down. I want to try, but that’s not part of the depression vernacular. If I could snap out of it I would jump at the chance.

But that’s just my opinion. I can still appreciate a pretty new spring flower a time or two.

What are your thoughts?


Photo from Pixabay.com, by hesnikof


Author: tiredmindtypingfingers

Writing about writing and chronic illness, and trying to make something out of it.

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